Chipmunk before church

OK. So I'm heading out to church Wednesday night when I see our cat, Ninja (aptly named) crossing the yard with something in his mouth. I'm interested, so I go to check it out. As I drew closer, I realized it was a chipmunk. I was distressed until Ninja dropped it and it scurried away, or tried to. "Ninny" was on it in a flash. Well I couldn't just leave the little thing to fend for itself, so I moved closer to the cat and tried to urge him to let it go. The closer I got, the more menacing Ninja's growl became. I was determined, but wary, so I "pushed" Ninja over gently with my foot. He laid there with one paw still on the trembling rodent. Finally, SUCCESS! The chipmunk got free and headed for the closest hole he could find....MY PANT LEG!!!

OH YES HE DID!!! The story takes a bit of a turn at this point. Ninja is over in the ivy trying desperately to find his prey not knowing I had it captured in my pants! As for me, I still wanted the little critter freed, but ever so much more desperately now! As I whooped and hollered (Yes, we "holler" in South Carolina.) and danced around the backyard and tried to grab at my pant leg just above the knee to hopefully keep my prisoner corralled so that he would not get any farther up, he did (go farther up, I mean)! Straight up the back of my leg, and all the way to my waistband. About this time I began to realize this war dance I was doing was of no benefit. In fact it was probably scaring the chipmunk as much as the cat did. He was probably pooping and peeing all over me!

I relaxed a little and gathered my wits about me. Standing there quietly (with a chipmunk in my pants), I grabbed my shirt and tied it tight at my waist to prevent any further advancement. Next, I tried to decide what to do! I didn't want to offer a free show to my neighbors who, if they were anywhere near, had heard my war calls and might be investigating to see how my murder was happening. I certainly wasn't going inside to release the thing. The next best option seemed to be to head to the back of the yard and out the back gate where there are woods. Hiding behind a tree, I could just unbutton my pants, flip the waistband down and rid myself of this monster. Seemed like a good plan. Now all I had to do was remain calm, and move slowly to the back gate.

All went well until I was almost to the gate. At this point, somehow, my furry little friend found a way into my shirt, straight up my back, and onto my shoulder (STILL INSIDE MY SHIRT!!) AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! So, there I stand, at the gate, with the chipmunk on my shoulder. Ninja, still searching the ivy, could care less about my turmoil. Our dog, Ramsey, however, interpreted all the dancing and screaming as part of some type of play. She bounced around, looking for the source of the excitement. All I needed after all this was to release the chipmunk only to have the dog pounce on it. ARGGGG! RAMSEY! Sit! STAAAY!! She did. Good dog.

Now I needed a bit more privacy. It's one thing to flip down the waistband and quite another to get that thing out of my shirt! Fortunately, it was a button-up. But still......I found a rather large tree. (At this point, the neighbors deserved some kind of show for all the commotion they'd had to endure.) I carefully unbuttoned enough buttons so that I could just flip my shirt off my shoulders. This accomplished, I quickly flipped back my shirt, the chipmunk landed on the ground between my feet and quick as a flash dashed into the ivy.

I stood there for a moment, trying to collect myself. As my breathing returned to normal, I went inside to check inside my clothes for foreign matter. Nope. (I guess he expended it all when the cat had him.) My next thought was, "This is the GREATEST story! Who can I tell? My family's kinda weird like that......